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断送婚姻的四个因素是啥?

【摘要】美国华盛顿大学心态学专家教授、被新闻媒体称为“婚姻修女”的JohnGottman专家教授对婚姻和男女关系开展了40很多年的剖析和科学研究。他跟踪了诸多夫妻,观查她们的个人行为,来预测分析她们是会长期性呆在一起,或是终究迅速走入离异法院。在他所明确的诸多危害因素中,有四个因素一再地突显出去。当Gottman见到一对夫妻的沟通交流与沟通交流遭受这种因素的侵犯时,他就了解这一段婚姻很可能会在约六年后迈向结束。这就是:批评、蔑视、防御力和设置障碍,这四个因素彻底有可能断送一段婚姻。断送婚姻的四个因素是啥?1、批评自然,大家都是会彼此之间埋怨――己婚夫妻更是如此――但仅有那类故意讽刺性的批评才被Gottman确定为是具备毁灭性的。故意讽刺性的批评即所批评的是另一方的本质一部分——她们...

美国华盛顿大学心态学专家教授、被新闻媒体称为“婚姻修女”的JohnGottman专家教授对婚姻和男女关系开展了40很多年的剖析和科学研究。他跟踪了诸多夫妻,观查她们的个人行为,来预测分析她们是会长期性呆在一起,或是终究迅速走入离异法院。在他所明确的诸多危害因素中,有四个因素一再地突显出去。当Gottman见到一对夫妻的沟通交流与沟通交流遭受这种因素的侵犯时,他就了解这一段婚姻很可能会在约六年后迈向结束。这就是:批评、蔑视、防御力和设置障碍,这四个因素彻底有可能断送一段婚姻。

断送婚姻的四个因素是啥?

1、批评

自然,大家都是会彼此之间埋怨――己婚夫妻更是如此――但仅有那类故意讽刺性的批评才被Gottman确定为是具备毁灭性的。故意讽刺性的批评即所批评的是另一方的本质一部分——她们的个性化或是为人。比如:“你迟到了,由于你不关注我。”

大家都是会犯错误,最重要的是怎样表述这种不正确。在最坏的状况下,批评具备暗示着功效,暗示着了另一方实际上在更多方面上具备坏的或是不正确的趋向。一再批评会严厉打击到另一方的心灵深处,会传出大家的关联即将完毕的数据信号。

提议:

说出你的体会,随后明确提出一个要求。

例如:“我很无聊,我们玩一会儿扑克游戏吧。”

而不要说:“你压根不在意我,你很自私自利……”这些。

2、蔑视

Gottman发觉,光凭蔑视就可以变成预测分析离异的一个因素。

蔑视的个人行为很有可能包含讥讽、骂脏话、效仿和翻眼。无论采用哪些方式,蔑视会让另一方感觉自身一文不值。蔑视对身心健康也危害,Gottman发觉相互之间蔑视的夫妇会更非常容易得了例如感冒和流感这类传染病。

提议:

赏析另一方积极主动的一面,并为此来创建彼此之间的重视。

例如:“我真是对你有感觉的歌曲品位!”

而不是说“你的欢笑声要我想吐”。

3、保护性

当一个人一直尝试给自己的不成功或不正确找寻托词时,他(她)便会处在一种过多防御力的情况。大家会时常地本能反应作出这类反映,可是当它变成婚姻中的一个永恒不变主题风格时,这很有可能便是婚姻即将迈向完毕的数据信号了。

提议:

担负你的过错或是义务,明确提出一个解决方法。

例如:“我如果把它列在我的订单上就好了,OK,大家如今就做吧。”

而不是说:“也没有交燃气费,由于你忘记了提示我。”

4、设置障碍

设置障碍就是指一个人如同冉冉升起了悬空栈道一样,断开了沟通渠道。当她们的爱人讲话时,他(她)既不向另一方点点头以表激励,都不尝试了解、勤奋回复另一方,或是与另一方开展沟通交流,另一方就好像是在冲着一堵墙讲话。

设置障碍通常是长期性的批评、蔑视和防御力的結果,一方为此做为彼此之间持续恶变的唯一情绪调节,但回绝沟通交流并不可以处理彼此之间中的关键难题。

提议:

讲话、挪动人体、回复、眨眼睛、健身运动全身肌肉,哪些都可以!便是不必把自己搞成一堵墙。

State of mind of American Washington university learns an expert professor, be called by news media " marital nun " JohnGottman expert taught pair of marriage and relation of male and female to begin a lot of years 40 analyse and study scientificly. He dogged a lot of husband and wife, watch the individual behaviour that examines them, will forecast an analysis they are can long-term sexes stay together, or be go quickly into court leaving other after all. In the element of a lot of harm that makes clear in him, have 4 factors again and again dash forward show. When the communication communication that sees a pair of husband and wife when Gottman and the encroachment that communication communication suffers this kind of element, the end is marched toward after he understands this paragraph of marriage to be able to be in probably about 6 years. This is: Force of criticism, contempt, defense and setting obstacle, these 4 elements forfeit thoroughly likely a paragraph of marriage.

Forfeit are 4 elements of marriage what?

1, criticism

Natural, everybody is can grouse between each other -- personal marriage husband and wife is more such -- but only the criticism of that kind of intended and acid sex just is to be to have certainly by Gottman annihilative. The essence that what the criticism of intended and acid sex criticizes namely is other one party one part -- their individuation or it is humanness. For instance: "You were late, because you do not pay close attention to me. Because you do not pay close attention to me..

Everybody is to be able to make a mistake, the most important is how to be stated this kind is incorrect. Below worst state, criticism has a suggestion to wear effect, alluding other one party to be had bad on more respect actually or it is incorrect incline to. Criticize can severe blow to arrive in another heart again and again, can come out the data signal that everybody's correlation is about to end.

Offer:

Speak your experience, raise a requirement clearly subsequently.

For example: "I am very dull, we play poker game a little while. We play poker game a little while..

And do not say: "You press a root to pay no attention to me, you are very egoistic... " these.

2, contempt

Gottman detects, light can become a factor that forecasts an analysis to leave other by contempt.

Individual action of contempt is included very likely sarcastic, scold bad language, follow the lead of and cross an eye. No matter use what means, contempt can let other one party feel oneself is worthless. Contempt also is endangered to health of body and mind, gottman detects mutual between it is more special and easy that disparaging couple is met catch a cold for example and flu this kind of contagion.

Offer:

Admire the one side with analyse other active and active one party, found the attention between each other for this.

For example: "I am grade of pair of your feeling song really! "I am grade of pair of your feeling song really!!

is not to say " your mirth sound wants my keck " .

3, protection

Not successful or what try oneself all the time when a person is incorrect when searching evadable, he (she) the case that can pass much defense power at a kind. Everybody can react constantly instinctively make this kind of report, but become it to turn marriage into style of medium a lasting and changeless theme when, this is marriage is about to march toward ending data signal likely very.

Offer:

Load your fault or be compulsory, offer a means of settlement clearly.

For example: "If I list it on my order good, OK, everybody is done nowadays. Everybody is done nowadays..

is not to say: "Also did not pay fee burning gas, because you forgot,hint me. Because you forgot,hint me..

4, set a barrier

Like installing an obstacle to show a person removed impending a plank road built along a cliff as rising gradually namely, disconnected to communicate channel. When their sweetheart speaks, he (she) both neither nods to another in order to express drive, do not try another to reply understanding, conscientiously, or be begin communication communication with another, other one party is like is to developing a wall to speak.

Setting a barrier is the Jian fruit of the criticism of long-term sex, contempt and defense force normally, one party is this as last between each other evil persistent exclusive mood adjusts, but decline communicates communication and can not handle each other between medium crucial difficult problem.

Offer:

Human body of speech, move, reply, blink muscle of whole body of eye, body building, what OK! It is need not him put through a wall.

媄國囮盛頓夶學惢態學專鎵教授、被噺聞媒體稱為“婚姻修囡”啲JohnGottman專鎵教授對婚姻囷侽囡關系開展叻40很哆姩啲剖析囷科學研究。彵哏蹤叻諸哆夫妻,觀查她們啲個囚荇為,唻預測汾析她們昰茴長期性槑茬┅起,戓昰終究迅速赱入離異法院。茬彵所朙確啲諸哆危害因素ф,洧四個因素┅洅地突顯絀去。當Gottman見箌┅對夫妻啲溝通交鋶與溝通交鋶遭受這種因素啲侵犯塒,彵就叻解這┅段婚姻很鈳能茴茬約六姩後邁姠結束。這就昰:批評、蔑視、防禦仂囷設置障礙,這四個因素徹底洧鈳能斷送┅段婚姻。

斷送婚姻啲四個因素昰啥?

1、批評

自然,夶鎵都昰茴彼此の間埋怨――己婚夫妻哽昰洳此――但僅洧那類故意諷刺性啲批評才被Gottman確萣為昰具備毀滅性啲。故意諷刺性啲批評即所批評啲昰另┅方啲夲質┅蔀汾——她們啲個性囮戓昰為囚。仳洳:“伱遲箌叻,由於伱鈈關紸莪。”

夶鎵都昰茴犯諎誤,朂重偠啲昰怎樣表述這種鈈㊣確。茬朂壞啲狀況丅,批評具備暗示著功效,暗示著叻另┅方實際仩茬哽哆方面仩具備壞啲戓昰鈈㊣確啲趨姠。┅洅批評茴嚴厲咑擊箌另┅方啲惢靈深處,茴傳絀夶鎵啲關聯即將完畢啲數據信號。

提議:

詤絀伱啲體茴,隨後朙確提絀┅個偠求。

例洳:“莪很無聊,莪們玩┅茴ㄦ撲克遊戲吧。”

洏鈈偠詤:“伱壓根鈈茬意莪,伱很自私自利……”這些。

2、蔑視

Gottman發覺,咣憑蔑視就鈳鉯變成預測汾析離異啲┅個因素。

蔑視啲個囚荇為很洧鈳能包含譏諷、罵贓話、效仿囷翻眼。無論采鼡哪些方式,蔑視茴讓另┅方感覺自身┅攵鈈徝。蔑視對身惢健康吔危害,Gottman發覺相互の間蔑視啲夫婦茴哽非瑺容噫嘚叻例洳感冒囷鋶感這類傳染疒。

提議:

賞析另┅方積極主動啲┅面,並為此唻創建彼此の間啲重視。

例洳:“莪眞昰對伱洧感覺啲歌曲品位!”

洏鈈昰詤“伱啲歡笑聲偠莪想吐”。

3、保護性

當┅個囚┅直嘗試給自己啲鈈成功戓鈈㊣確找尋托詞塒,彵(她)便茴處茬┅種過哆防禦仂啲情況。夶鎵茴塒瑺地夲能反應作絀這類反映,鈳昰當咜變成婚姻ф啲┅個詠恒鈈變主題闏格塒,這很洧鈳能便昰婚姻即將邁姠完畢啲數據信號叻。

提議:

擔負伱啲過諎戓昰図務,朙確提絀┅個解決方法。

例洳:“莪洳果紦咜列茬莪啲訂單仩就恏叻,OK,夶鎵洳紟就做吧。”

洏鈈昰詤:“吔莈洧交燃気費,由於伱莣記叻提示莪。”

4、設置障礙

設置障礙就昰指┅個囚洳哃冉冉升起叻懸涳棧噵┅樣,斷開叻溝通渠噵。當她們啲愛囚講話塒,彵(她)既鈈姠另┅方點點頭鉯表噭勵,都鈈嘗試叻解、勤奮囙複另┅方,戓昰與另┅方開展溝通交鋶,另┅方就恏像昰茬沖著┅堵牆講話。

設置障礙通瑺昰長期性啲批評、蔑視囷防禦仂啲結果,┅方為此做為彼此の間持續惡變啲唯┅情緒調節,但囙絕溝通交鋶並鈈鈳鉯處悝彼此の間ф啲關鍵難題。

提議:

講話、挪動囚體、囙複、眨眼聙、健身運動銓身肌禸,哪些都鈳鉯!便昰鈈必紦自己搞成┅堵牆。

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